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Sunday, September 5, 2010

To Toss, or not to Toss: that is my dilemma

I'm cleaning up my area of the house, one section at a time. After finally finished all the laundry, I'm now trying to get rooms tidied and organized before school starts on Thursday. Considering I've been doing absolutely nothing for over a week I think this is an excellent use of my remaining freedom before Fall starts.
The problem is that I'm rather hormonal and I keep running into things that were either Mike's, or stuff we acquired together. He left a lot when he moved out. Some of it is useful and some isn't. I use the dressers, couches, bookshelves, and kitchen supplies regularly. But our matching lamps and random knick-knacks - and his clothes still mixed with mine - is getting upsetting to come across. It's like a constant reminder of what I used to have, all the things that went wrong, the final catalyst that broke us up, and the attempted recovery of my shattered heart.
I feel like I need to move out of this house, to distance myself from space that Mike and I enjoyed together, but that's not possible. Anywhere we move to will not have the kind of space and privacy which Mom and I get here for this price. And I doubt many landlords would accept a tenant with the amount of cats we have.
It just really hurts when I think about things. Mostly it hurts me to think about how lonely I am now that I'm single again. Mike and I broke up, then Steff moved out. I spend most of my time by myself surrounded by memories of good times long past, and bad times that made the good times stop. It's indescribably painful.

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