The Timeline.

We broke up on November 20. That's nearly two months ago. I'm not going to sugar coat how I feel; I'm completely devastated. Because despite all our problems I never doubted my dedication to "us." It never occurred to me that he would be capable of such an intense level of malicious deceit that it would end our relationship. I knew he was immature, selfish, and ruled by his emotional baggage... but I actually believed when he said I was the top priority in his life. I defended him to other people; I stood up to friends and family who told me I'd be better off without him. But I was completely wrong about him. He has even less control over himself than I had initially thought.

The past two months have been spent trying to remove these greyscale glasses so that I can see my rainbow again. I know it's there, waiting for me, just outside of reach. And it will wait for me to heal, but it is also saddened by my lack of attention. I feel robotic most days, going through the motions of life while lacking any real joy that used to be mine. I don't regret the time I spent with Mike, nor the happiness we shared, but I wish I didn't have to go through such an intense period of grief & mourning. Furthermore, in addition to mourning a devastating loss, I'm also being forced to be responsible for myself financially. This persuasion into adulthood is daunting. It was long overdue but it's still difficult. Compounded with the fact that I don't know what to do with my future, I'm going through a really difficult transitional phase that just plain SUCKS.