I'm cleaning up my area of the house, one section at a time. After finally finished all the laundry, I'm now trying to get rooms tidied and organized before school starts on Thursday. Considering I've been doing absolutely nothing for over a week I think this is an excellent use of my remaining freedom before Fall starts.
The problem is that I'm rather hormonal and I keep running into things that were either Mike's, or stuff we acquired together. He left a lot when he moved out. Some of it is useful and some isn't. I use the dressers, couches, bookshelves, and kitchen supplies regularly. But our matching lamps and random knick-knacks - and his clothes still mixed with mine - is getting upsetting to come across. It's like a constant reminder of what I used to have, all the things that went wrong, the final catalyst that broke us up, and the attempted recovery of my shattered heart.
I feel like I need to move out of this house, to distance myself from space that Mike and I enjoyed together, but that's not possible. Anywhere we move to will not have the kind of space and privacy which Mom and I get here for this price. And I doubt many landlords would accept a tenant with the amount of cats we have.
It just really hurts when I think about things. Mostly it hurts me to think about how lonely I am now that I'm single again. Mike and I broke up, then Steff moved out. I spend most of my time by myself surrounded by memories of good times long past, and bad times that made the good times stop. It's indescribably painful.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
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